I Don't Know

I don't really have anything to write.

I just don't want to feel like I'm wasting my time typing out all of these words when no one is really reading them. Still, I have promised myself to a monthly type thanks to setting 101 goals for the next 1001 days, and I am due for an update. Given the pattern of procrastination at the end of each month to squeeze in an entry or two, I might as well write something now, giving me ample time to gather my thoughts together for something more profound to blog about next month.

I guess I never figured out exactly why I have this blog. I don't have a large network of fellow bloggers, especially those who keep themselves currently updated, and I'm nowhere close to celebrity status that hundreds of scattered acquaintences care what thoughts and feelings are scrolling through my mind (precisely why I don't have a twitter). I suppose ever since I gave up the paper journal writing years ago after the nasty events that played out then, I owed it to myself to let my creative juices flow with the eccentricities that are my thoughts. Perhaps down the road, I will read this blog and realize it was worth writing in.

And at the same time, there was so much I could have written here, and, for one reason or another, chose not to. I avoided writing of the more personal things, hanging out with good friends and family and the one I love, the holidays, the parties I went to, the dates I had gone on, the shows and concerts I had performed in, the specific details of times I felt my happiest, saddest, strongest, weakest, most spiritual, confused, loved, heartbroken, worried for my welfare and of those I love and care for deeply. Though at times I may have stretched the truth and poked fun at myself, nothing I had written was a lie. And I do have my own special place where my sincere, personal thoughts of my memories are stored. In a way, I consider it a better thing to have not shared these thoughts on a public venue such as blogspot. However, if I had opened up early on, would things have changed? Would I have been taken more seriously by others? Would my words be more significant, more influential, more meaningful?

I have been blessed with many things in life, but as selfish and ungrateful as it may sound, there's so much more that's missing now. My mind has never been more confused, and yet the messages I'm getting are so clear and direct, and that makes things even more confusing, because these are not the messages I should be receiving when everything is suddenly working against them. With that, I also find it'll be more difficult to write here, but what a miracle it'll be to channel back into my eccentricities in the very near future.

And this gives me more caution on what to write next. I have been riding the fence of being too open or too indirect with the thoughts of mine that I jot online. To be too open makes me immediately vulnerable to getting hurt and having my words taken and used against me. To be too indirect makes my words and thoughts and motives, essentially me, misinterpreted. So where to go from here? What to write next? October's entry might take a while. Considering my audience, however, I don't think anyone will mind.

Oops. So much for not having anything to write.

Another Month Goes By

And tomorrow is September already? What happened to my August?

This means it'll get cooler, won't it. Not that it hasn't started already. It's getting cooler, but I'm feeling hotter!

I wonder what September 9th will be like this year.

Bahay Kubo

Recently, I woke up one day singing this song:

I haven't sung this since I was a little kid. I can't believe I remember.

Speak Low

Spanish, French, German, Japanese? ASL?

Maybe I'll just learn the language of the dachshund.

Minnie's Favorite Movie

I can only imagine my home will look like this in about ten years:



Nothing like a litter of adorable female dachshunds.

She Called Him a Swine

I'm sure it's a coincidence, but why is everyone dealing with some sort of health problem during this current swine flu epidemic that hardly has any relation to the swine flu itself? I don't understand. And maybe it's just me, but I think "swine fever" sounds better than "swine flu". Probably because it makes me think of A Hard Day's Night.

This is one of those days (or maybe weeks) where I just need a break, some time where I can just relax and think about the good things, to lie down and rest my head. However, there's a show tonight, so I can't be too picky. I can take a deep breath though and remember what I'm supposed to be doing right now and not let the negative thoughts get to me. There will be plenty of time between scenes to do this too, I'm sure.

I feel a little better. It's great to know that even though sometimes I feel alone, I'm not really. Some people are all kinds of wonderful.

That Easter Morn

Four years ago, Easter was the last Sunday of March. This year, it is the second Sunday of April. Why? Why does Easter change every year? There is no consistency, except for the fact that Easter is celebrated on Sunday. Most holidays are either celebrated on their specified date or a day of the week close to the specified date (i.e. Dr. King's birthday is always observed a few days around if not on his actual birthday) or at least in a given month (i.e. Father's Day is always a few weeks into June). Or is there more consistency to when Easter is observed? Is there something else I have overlooked?

In any case, this will be far from the traditional Easter I am used to spending. Rather than dinner and a viewing of The Ten Commandments, I will be out preparing for the first night of tech week. It's funny how things work.

I didn't buy any peeps this year. Shame on me. Maybe there will be some major Easter candy sales tomorrow. I think it would be wonderful if peeps came in every color, like jellybeans. I mean, why aren't they made in orange? Orange peeps would sell like hot cakes. At least, I'd be sure to fill my inventory with them.


Do you know what else would be wonderful? A store that sells seasonal candy year round. I remember a mention of that on one episode of Law and Order: SVU, and wondered if it is truly a reality. I'm sure there must be one somewhere. If not, well, I suppose I can wait until next March for my peeps. Or next April. Or whenever Easter will be.