A Fresh Perspective

I am incredibly tired from getting up at 7:00 in the morning the past four days, my throat is still dry and a little crackly, and every inch of my body is sore from yesterday's class.

But you know what? I feel great! I'm proud of myself for the things I have done so far this year, despite the fact this is only the eighth day of 2009. I can't wait to really start living my life the way I missed. There's so much I want to do, so many places to go, memories to make, and I'm excited for what will happen.

And I look at it this way: I'll get to sleep in on Saturday, my voice will be in great shape once this dry spell that has overtaken my throat subsides, and my body is going to look awesome after working it so hard!

Look out, 2009! I'm here, and I'm ready to kick some major rat tail!

Number 9... Number 9...

I'm thinking big for the next few years. And I do mean YEARS. No resolutions for the new year, but I have a number of goals in mind I plan on achieving in the very near future. I am, however, very forgetful, but hopefully with a bit of help and reassurance, I can stay on top of these things.

I also love the number 9. I lived for the days in my childhood when Sesame Street's number of the day was 9 (or 19, but you get the idea). So I'm a little more than optimistic that 2009 will be a good year. (Oh, and what about 9/9/09 being the best date ever? Hmm, what day is September 9th on anyway?) Well, so far so good, Christmas was awesome, as was the birthday, and the nasty cold that has been haunting me with its presence these past few weeks is disappearing! I can now talk with minimal throat pain! Needless to say, it's all good and, fingers crossed, only getting better from here!

Here's to a fun, safe New Year's Eve, and a great New Year!

Fly Like Paper, Get High Like Planes

I am curious as to how many people actually read this thing, whether they were linked from my Facebook, or did the six degrees of separation thing, or just happened to hear about it from me. I have thought about writing in here on a more than monthly basis, but I'm not sure if it benefits anyone but myself. (I'm not sure if I can even include myself in that.) I mean, most of my friends seem to forget this blog even exists, so its importance may not be so grand. Then again, curiosity killed the cat.

Lately, I have been on this big rush of reconnecting with old friends and making new friends. Not to say I don't always want to do this, but now that I'm not in a show and school is nearly over (and work is, well, still there, but limited for the next few months), I have been hyped up over embarking on spontaneous excursions again, and simply put, spontaneity is on another level of fun when someone else partakes in it with you. I just love that feeling of going out, with no boundaries, no fences. It's like flying, it's a breath of fresh air, it feels like freedom. It's hard though, because even with all of my free time, I feel very limited in finding others to join me in these random adventures. I'm not blaming anyone, I just have an active imagination. Apparently, it comes with being an only child. And it's more exciting to feel like I can share this activity with others.

For instance, I have been meaning to drive to the beach in Santa Cruz or Half Moon Bay (more likely Santa Cruz since it's warmer there) and watch the sun set, or the sun rise if I could get myself up early enough. I have wanted to drive up Big Basin Way and take in the late night view at Skyline again; it's been a long time since I went stargazing. The next time it rains, I want to be at Memorial Park, running and dancing around, harmonizing to the songs of The Beatles or Spring Awakening. I would like to drive to my high school again, go out to the football field late at night and punch blocking sleds, or roll in the grass, or yell at the freeway. I want to take lots of pictures again. Seriously, it has been a very long time since I took pictures for myself. Of course, I know the reasons why that is the way it is. (I point the finger partly at Facebook, because I end up stealing other people's pictures from events I partook in from there. It's not just Facebook though...) There's so much I want to do that I haven't yet, and I have felt a big disconnect from a lot of people lately that is unsettling. I feel like 2009 needs to be a year of change (no political reference intended), and that I need to take more initiative in making it that way. There's one more month left before the new year, so why not start now?

More than anything, for my birthday, I really just want to spend time with people. Not on my actual birthday, because that's near close to impossible, but it's nice to just be with friends. Quality time spent with people has a lot more value than anything money can buy, and I am so grateful for the people I know who have helped me see that.

I almost think I have this acquaintence-to-friendship riddle solved. The key word is "almost". Still, school is not over yet, and I have a few more lines to memorize, and a horrible movie that needs more conflict written in the first ten pages.

What is Friendship?

Friendship has been on my mind a lot in the last few months. I am not questioning friendship because I feel inadequate with the friends I have or because I feel I am lacking in friends, but rather because I feel friendship is given such a broad definition lately. Perhaps I have asked the wrong question. I suppose the question I should be asking is, "What is a friend?" And so I ask:

What is a friend?

This came into my mind as I was filling out a random time-filling survey about friends of mine. Standard questions were asked in the survey: when did you meet this person, how did you meet, how long have you known them, and so on. These are the easy questions to answer. And then other questions came to light: what is this person's favorite color, what is their favorite food, who is their favorite musical artist or band? Honestly, I couldn't answer all of these questions. It's not because I don't care, it's just that these little facts were never really mentioned. When I really look at it, I have friends who I have been close to since high school, and I still don't know what their favorite food is. I have friends who I have spent countless hours with, and if asked, I wouldn't know who their favorite band is. These are things I expect to be asked on a date or something, not questions I probe my friends with. In fact, I am still finding out new things about my friends every time I interact with them. I have a friend who I have know for over eight years, and I know so much about her life, but I don't know where her favorite place to shop is or what her favorite song is. I have another friend I have known for over five years, and I'm still not sure I know what her favorite color is. Are these questions meant to measure my capability of being a good friend?

This leads me into the other question that's been boggling my mind. When does a person become a friend?

The line between acquaintence and friend has often blurred in my mind. My dad says it becomes friendship when you have their phone number and they have yours. How can that be so? Employers, co-workers, and classmates working on a project with you have your number. Does this automatically make them friends? (In some cases, sure, but seriously, how many people can say they love to hang out and grab a few drinks with their boss after hours? (I do not mean to offend anyone who does though, more power to you!)) One of my fellow percussionists in wind ensemble received a text message, and I asked who this person who sent the message was, to which he replied, "Some girl." Whether this was the thought he truly carried about this girl or if this is just his way of addressing a friend was beyond me, because the response I tend to hear generated in a similar scenario is "My friend" or "My girlfriend" or "My sister", which, if the former, would definitely dwarf my dad's phone theory.

When I look at my friends, I can easily say how we met, whether it was through environment, or mutual friends, or me simply taking the initiative when I get the feeling I need to get to know someone (this last one has happened quite a few times actually and I have made some good friends because of it, which makes me giggle on occasion when I reminisce over how I first met these people), but it's hard to say when they received the title of friend. It's not like I could pull a Napoleon Dynamite and straightfowardly ask one of my close acquaintances if we are friends now. (Or could I? Hmm...) And online networking, as much as I love Facebook, has blurred the line between acquaintance and friendship even more. (Myspace, of course, is the true devil in this. They should've just stuck to bands.) However, I do have a few more-than-acquaintances who I'm not sure I can truly call my friends yet, but would very much like to. They may or may not know who they are.

Why must I question this though? If I know who my friends are, isn't that all I need? Would I really need the answers to my questions? Can't I be happy with what I have? Perhaps this is just my inner philosophizer talking. I suppose a follow-up on these thoughts is necessary, if for no one else but myself. Well, my friends (and even my more-than-acquaintances), until next time.....

Not-So-Scary Halloween

I had a dream last night that I was in Japan. It was kind of a pseudo-urban Tokyo. I was caught up in the middle of some kind of civil gang war and I had to use my superpowers to help one of the gangs fight. And a very attractive Japanese guy in my gang fell in love with me. There was a lot of running and flying on my part, guns and bullets and intimidation from our rivals, and a lot of hugs and smiles from my Japanese lover. Not to mention I could understand every word of Japanese that was spoken, without actually knowing how to speak it myself (both in and out of my dream).

Dreams like last night make me wish I could fly in real life.




The possibilities are endless. That's what I love about dreams. I don't always have control over what happens, but when I do, I can do anything. And if something goes amiss, I just wake myself up. If dreams are meant to reflect our subconscious though, I wonder what this is telling me. Probably just an expression my desire to go to Tokyo Disneyland. And to fly, among other superpowers I was capable of. Like Peter Petrelli.

I don't know if I will dress up for Halloween. I have my idea, but I don't know if I should go with it. However, I will be wearing all black for tonight's opening performance. And maybe I'll still bring my video camera.

The Fortune Cookie

After an entire day of sleeping and resting, I needed something more than the backs of my eyelids to entertain me. The common cold has become all too common as of this morning, and it was only to be expected after being around children for the past two days and an ill father for the past week. So, I slept in, stayed home from class, and attempted to relax between coughing and pounding headaches. Well, entertainment arrived today in the form of a fortune cookie. Now, of course, fortune cookies tend to be vague, or don't even tell fortunes in the first place but rather attempt to compliment the one who opens the cookie. Tonight was a bit different though. First of all, I found not one, but TWO fortunes in my fortune cookie. And these were actually cute fortunes.

So, I opened the first fortune, which read:

"On Friday your creative side will shine forth with exceptional ideas."

And then I opened the second, which read:

"The coming month shall bring you much happiness."

Here's my chance to finally prove the validity of fortune cookies sooner than I'd hoped!

On top of all this, back in September I received a fortune of which I am truly testing. I literally have it sitting on my piano, and when the expected day arrives for the fortune to be valid, I will be paying attention to all that happens that day. Actually, I might forget, but you never know, I'll probably just continue to play life by ear. There's nothing like a modest portion of Americanized Chinese food when one is battling the common cold.

An Unfortunate Consequence

The only good thing about feeling your absolute lowest is that things are bound to get better. And they will. They always do somehow. I wish they'd get better sooner though. I especially don't want to feel like this when we start performing. This isn't exactly one of those shows where you can use these sorts of feelings and apply them to your character. And I wish I could forget about the pain. It's just funny. After all the college psychology courses I took, I can spend hours psychoanalyzing my feelings and determine why I feel the way I do, but no amount of psychoanalysis dulls the pain, stops the tears, silences the cries... THAT's poetic. That's pathetic.

It's just difficult when you know what you've done, and you want so badly to make it all better, but you can't turn back the clock and fix things. I mean, everything happens for a reason. I'm sure Heavenly Father has something in store for me within all of this, but my eyes can only see so far ahead of me. Sometimes I wish I could deal with these sorts of things like other people do, but I'm just not that good. I just need my time, and no one can really do anything to fix this. I can't fix it myself, so why should I expect anyone else to do it?

At a time like this, I'd attempt to remedy myself with a trip to Disneyland, but that's not happening anytime soon, and definitely not before the show starts performing. There has to be something though.....