A few nights ago, I had another Abed moment. I started to ponder the alternate parallel timelines of my life, a very Twilight Zone way of thinking. What would have become of my life if the slightest altercation was made? For instance...
What if I went to West Valley College instead of De Anza College? The original plan (and my original want) was West Valley, and after the change in my living situation, I could have just jumped at the chance to change schools. I mean, they're both community colleges, and the latter school only served to remind me of who still had total control over my life. I kept where I was though, for convenience more than anything else, and I was not looking forward to it. I did well academically though, maybe because I was motivated to transfer somewhere even further away from the painful reminder of why I was where I was. And with that, I made a few friends along the way (one in particular who was a big help to me spiritually and emotionally). I had an AMAZING music theory professor, and while it was hard to focus in his class during the second year, I learned a lot from him, and I have put it to good use recently while I am dabbling with vocal music arrangements. In fact, I have had a slew of awesome teachers who have left bigger imprints on my life than anyone in my time at the UC. Would I have had that at West Valley? Maybe, I don't know. Either way, I'm sure my love for Community would still be where it is today.
What if I was married at 24? Okay, this one is mostly beyond my control, because I was the dumpee instead of the dumper, but I could have been better too. More than anything, I was scared. And it was because I was scared (though I'm sure there are MANY other factors in play as well) that I drove away who was at the time a great guy for me, someone who I actually wanted to be with for the rest of my life and eternity. I know better now. Had I been married at that time, to that person, I would have likely ended up very
unhappy, possibly in divorce. This is not because he's a bad guy, but because it wouldn't have been right, at least not at the time. I knew then he would have been the right guy, but we were definitely rushing into things, and had we waited it out, given ourselves time to grow a little bit more, it could have been the right thing to do. Now I know that it was for the better. I don't know how he has fared, but I am amazed at how much growing up I have done since then. Although I have developed a fear of commitment as a result (which I won't give him too much credit for), something better is in store. I have no doubts he is now happily married, and maybe children are in the picture, and I in turn am enjoying a happy, single life which may or may not involve a partner down the road. Truth is, we are both much better off.
What if I did NOT join the LDS Church? Well... if I did not join it at the time, I probably would have eventually. Extraneous circumstances may have led me to a greater conversion story than what I have now. Maybe I would have actually tried an alcoholic drink, maybe many. I would have no longer been a church-goer since I was tainted by my time at the last church I was with, or I would just find a local church building to frequent on the major religious holidays. I would have continued in my cynicism toward life, with no purpose but to make it through to the next day, trudging through the pain that the past brought to me, fearful of the bleak and empty future, and ultimately fearful of death.
My self-conscious, insecure nature would have taken over me, and yes, I probably would have been a big slut. In the rare event I decided to try drugs, I would choose ecstasy. I'm not definitively saying I would have done all these mad things with my life had I not chosen the LDS Church; I know many who do not share my faith who are still good, wholesome, outstanding people. Unfortunately, I do not know for sure if I would have been one of these people. With the change in my living situation, I think I could have been straightened out so that the mental anguish of the past didn't screw me up for the future, but who can be so sure? The truth is, this church has changed my life, and it was tough at first, but these past eight years of membership have shaped me into a better person.
There are plenty of moments that I wish would have been different, which leads me to wonder what would have happened if they did actually play out the way I hoped they would. Then there are other times I wonder about a life vastly different from that I live now, be it better or worse. And yet, I know that there is nothing I could have done to change anything, and that even if these situations were tough and could have been avoided, that I would have had to face situations just as tough in these circumstances. I can be happy for the happy moments, and as for the sad, they have only made me stronger.
In other news, I think I need a vacation, even just a day or two to get away. In other words a la Abed, my Ferris Bueller needs a day off... whose dad has a vintage ferrari?
And hopefully it happens sooner rather than later, because earlier this week, this happened:
Yep, I have started preparing for the darkest timeline. (And yes, they are made of felt.)
With more exposure to their tunes, I was curious about their history, who these guys were outside of the blue jumpsuits and dorky personas, so in the past week, I took it to the most ready and reliable source: the Internet. Sarcasm aside.... WHOA, respect gave me a slap in the face. These guys started with an aim of being positive male role models on children's television that had been lost with the passing of Mister Rogers, as well as the absence others. These guys each have an individual history with backgrounds and experience in teaching, literature, journalism, fire-fighting, religious studies, and building design, to name a few. They are from New Orleans, and three of them lost their homes during Katrina, and the fourth worked as a part of the hurricane search-and-rescue effort. They are all married men, and three of the four are fathers. (One of them is a father of five... geez, did he start having kids when he was 15?!) So, not only are these guys musical and energetic, they're well-rounded, charismatic, family-oriented, humble, and a HUGE inspiration. I think the word "heroes" is very appropriate in one of their CDs titled "Juice Box Heroes". And they are still going strong to this day, touring and entertaining their fans, young and old.
