A Step Closer to Vampire

My mind and heart have been crammed with too many thoughts and feelings lately, both good and bad and everything in between. There are about a million different things I wanted to blog about lately (and by "a million", I mean nine, which is still a comparatively large number), and maybe I'll get to them in due time as the month go by. At this rate, it's looking more like months though, given I don't update as often because I feel the necessity to empty out my thoughts on this public online venue only worthwhile every month or so.

I will say this for today though, and for the sake of my thoughts now starting to leak from every pore. When presented with the question "Would you rather be a vampire or werewolf?" (which I shake my head in disappointment that it was most likely brought to me due to the sudden rise in popularity of a fictitional series of novels and now movies) I answered "Vampire", as much as it may pain me as an Italian to give up garlic in any form.

As I have witnessed my deterioration of the last few months firsthand, it wasn't until I awoke today that I realized I am still somewhat trapped. With that said, today I got up out of bed at approximately the same time the sun began setting. Have I taken ill with another cold or possibly the flu? After all, tis the season, and given such an incomprehensible amount of sleep time, sickness may justify the need for this surplus of rest. Perhaps I have taken ill again, but I do not have symptoms of the cold or flu this time. It should be noted that I was out of bed when the sun set, but I was asleep when the sun began to rise. Am I still experiencing the apathy and overall worthlessness that started to possess me back in September? This is a more plausible scenario, and though the previous week was a time of anticipation for the future which is still casting a dim light far down on the other end of the tunnel that I have been inching toward, the loneliness of the present somehow has a way of bringing back the pains and demons of self destruction. This is a battle I fought for a few years in the past, and I don't want to believe I will be wasting more years fighting again.

Or could I be turning into a vampire? Maybe that's all it is.

Look Pa, I'm on Youtube!

I shouldn't be making it a routine to put a video in every entry of mine, because it's kind of a cop out for me not to write, but maybe that's a better thing right now. Anyway, we made a video, so it's worth an entry this time around:

Barely Breathing

I don't have much to keep me going right now, so this sudden burst of anticipation is unexpected. I'm not as excited as I should be, and I will probably end up going on alone in this anyway. Still, at least I don't have to go far for this.

Kyle Riabko isn't Melchior anymore, but that's okay. I have another chance to see the show for the first time. I hope I can make it until next month.

I Don't Know

I don't really have anything to write.

I just don't want to feel like I'm wasting my time typing out all of these words when no one is really reading them. Still, I have promised myself to a monthly type thanks to setting 101 goals for the next 1001 days, and I am due for an update. Given the pattern of procrastination at the end of each month to squeeze in an entry or two, I might as well write something now, giving me ample time to gather my thoughts together for something more profound to blog about next month.

I guess I never figured out exactly why I have this blog. I don't have a large network of fellow bloggers, especially those who keep themselves currently updated, and I'm nowhere close to celebrity status that hundreds of scattered acquaintences care what thoughts and feelings are scrolling through my mind (precisely why I don't have a twitter). I suppose ever since I gave up the paper journal writing years ago after the nasty events that played out then, I owed it to myself to let my creative juices flow with the eccentricities that are my thoughts. Perhaps down the road, I will read this blog and realize it was worth writing in.

And at the same time, there was so much I could have written here, and, for one reason or another, chose not to. I avoided writing of the more personal things, hanging out with good friends and family and the one I love, the holidays, the parties I went to, the dates I had gone on, the shows and concerts I had performed in, the specific details of times I felt my happiest, saddest, strongest, weakest, most spiritual, confused, loved, heartbroken, worried for my welfare and of those I love and care for deeply. Though at times I may have stretched the truth and poked fun at myself, nothing I had written was a lie. And I do have my own special place where my sincere, personal thoughts of my memories are stored. In a way, I consider it a better thing to have not shared these thoughts on a public venue such as blogspot. However, if I had opened up early on, would things have changed? Would I have been taken more seriously by others? Would my words be more significant, more influential, more meaningful?

I have been blessed with many things in life, but as selfish and ungrateful as it may sound, there's so much more that's missing now. My mind has never been more confused, and yet the messages I'm getting are so clear and direct, and that makes things even more confusing, because these are not the messages I should be receiving when everything is suddenly working against them. With that, I also find it'll be more difficult to write here, but what a miracle it'll be to channel back into my eccentricities in the very near future.

And this gives me more caution on what to write next. I have been riding the fence of being too open or too indirect with the thoughts of mine that I jot online. To be too open makes me immediately vulnerable to getting hurt and having my words taken and used against me. To be too indirect makes my words and thoughts and motives, essentially me, misinterpreted. So where to go from here? What to write next? October's entry might take a while. Considering my audience, however, I don't think anyone will mind.

Oops. So much for not having anything to write.

Another Month Goes By

And tomorrow is September already? What happened to my August?

This means it'll get cooler, won't it. Not that it hasn't started already. It's getting cooler, but I'm feeling hotter!

I wonder what September 9th will be like this year.

Bahay Kubo

Recently, I woke up one day singing this song:

I haven't sung this since I was a little kid. I can't believe I remember.

Speak Low

Spanish, French, German, Japanese? ASL?

Maybe I'll just learn the language of the dachshund.

Minnie's Favorite Movie

I can only imagine my home will look like this in about ten years:



Nothing like a litter of adorable female dachshunds.

She Called Him a Swine

I'm sure it's a coincidence, but why is everyone dealing with some sort of health problem during this current swine flu epidemic that hardly has any relation to the swine flu itself? I don't understand. And maybe it's just me, but I think "swine fever" sounds better than "swine flu". Probably because it makes me think of A Hard Day's Night.

This is one of those days (or maybe weeks) where I just need a break, some time where I can just relax and think about the good things, to lie down and rest my head. However, there's a show tonight, so I can't be too picky. I can take a deep breath though and remember what I'm supposed to be doing right now and not let the negative thoughts get to me. There will be plenty of time between scenes to do this too, I'm sure.

I feel a little better. It's great to know that even though sometimes I feel alone, I'm not really. Some people are all kinds of wonderful.

That Easter Morn

Four years ago, Easter was the last Sunday of March. This year, it is the second Sunday of April. Why? Why does Easter change every year? There is no consistency, except for the fact that Easter is celebrated on Sunday. Most holidays are either celebrated on their specified date or a day of the week close to the specified date (i.e. Dr. King's birthday is always observed a few days around if not on his actual birthday) or at least in a given month (i.e. Father's Day is always a few weeks into June). Or is there more consistency to when Easter is observed? Is there something else I have overlooked?

In any case, this will be far from the traditional Easter I am used to spending. Rather than dinner and a viewing of The Ten Commandments, I will be out preparing for the first night of tech week. It's funny how things work.

I didn't buy any peeps this year. Shame on me. Maybe there will be some major Easter candy sales tomorrow. I think it would be wonderful if peeps came in every color, like jellybeans. I mean, why aren't they made in orange? Orange peeps would sell like hot cakes. At least, I'd be sure to fill my inventory with them.


Do you know what else would be wonderful? A store that sells seasonal candy year round. I remember a mention of that on one episode of Law and Order: SVU, and wondered if it is truly a reality. I'm sure there must be one somewhere. If not, well, I suppose I can wait until next March for my peeps. Or next April. Or whenever Easter will be.

The Other Voice

There's something incredibly obnoxious about movies that drift far into one political persuasion.


I have had several liberal films thrust in front of my eyes throughout my high school and community college years. These films have been more than enough to make me despise the thoughtless, idiotic propaganda they spewed out in hopes I would consume, agree, and accept. (Michael Moore, do some research.) Needless to say, I am not a liberal, and too many of these movies have resulted in me seeking out something better and smarter from the far right.


The conservative persuasion is no better. The more right-wing films I have thrown in my face, the more annoyed I am of their narrow minded drivel and attempts to make certain wrongs look right. (Bill O'Reilly, take a chill pill.) Last night, I watched An American Carol, and some parts were deserving of laughs, but mostly my amusement came from watching my dad's reactions to the film as opposed to the film itself. Do they seriously believe in what they're saying?

Maybe my next screenplay will focus on those who do not find themselves fully persuaded by one side. There are a lot of them out there, and who is speaking for them? Or maybe I'll just make fun of both the left and right wingers. I think that might be more fun.

Clueless Discovery Number Two

About ten days ago, I was just sitting at home, listening to my music and catching up with some needed blogging and story writing, nothing unusual. I had one of my new favorite memory songs, "Time to Say Goodbye", playing from a video on Youtube. And then I watched a bit of the video, and there was one part where I saw Sarah Brightman and Andrea Bocelli take a step toward each other. Sarah Brightman was staring longingly at him as she stepped forward, but Andrea Bocelli looked a bit awkward with his eyes closed taking a crooked step slightly to the right. And I thought, and wondered, why isn't he looking at her the way she is looking at him? This is a music video, after all, and it entails some level of acting on the singers' parts. Then it hit me: can he see? (And by see, I mean literally speaking.) I checked Wikipedia, which had previously proved the true ethnicity of Robyn to me, and looked up Andrea Bocelli. Sure enough, he has glaucoma. I always thought he closed his eyes when he sings just to feel more emersed into the music he creates.

In lieu of my stupidity, I dedicate this video (and this great song with its wondeful memories of pseudo-drunk singing at Buca) to the great man whose musical talent transcends his visual handicap.



Signore Bocelli, thank you for opening my eyes, and I do hope you pardon the metaphor. Grazie.

Show Me Love, Show Me Life

I feel rather slow, and judgmental. I was listening to this song by Robyn from over ten years ago called "Show Me Love". I had all but forgotten about it until my friend recently included it as part of my birthday present. It's a nice song as far as the genre goes, not enough to make me want to buy more of her music, but worthy of a spot on my music player at least. Anyway, I have a shameful confession to make: I didn't know Robyn is white. Wikipedia proved it to me.



Forgive me, Robyn. I am not as narrow-minded as this post may suggest.

Valentine's Day is this Saturday, so an entry that at least made mention of the word "love" felt rather appropriate for the week too.

A Fresh Perspective

I am incredibly tired from getting up at 7:00 in the morning the past four days, my throat is still dry and a little crackly, and every inch of my body is sore from yesterday's class.

But you know what? I feel great! I'm proud of myself for the things I have done so far this year, despite the fact this is only the eighth day of 2009. I can't wait to really start living my life the way I missed. There's so much I want to do, so many places to go, memories to make, and I'm excited for what will happen.

And I look at it this way: I'll get to sleep in on Saturday, my voice will be in great shape once this dry spell that has overtaken my throat subsides, and my body is going to look awesome after working it so hard!

Look out, 2009! I'm here, and I'm ready to kick some major rat tail!