Friendship has been on my mind a lot in the last few months. I am not questioning friendship because I feel inadequate with the friends I have or because I feel I am lacking in friends, but rather because I feel friendship is given such a broad definition lately. Perhaps I have asked the wrong question. I suppose the question I should be asking is, "What is a friend?" And so I ask:
What is a friend?
This came into my mind as I was filling out a random time-filling survey about friends of mine. Standard questions were asked in the survey: when did you meet this person, how did you meet, how long have you known them, and so on. These are the easy questions to answer. And then other questions came to light: what is this person's favorite color, what is their favorite food, who is their favorite musical artist or band? Honestly, I couldn't answer all of these questions. It's not because I don't care, it's just that these little facts were never really mentioned. When I really look at it, I have friends who I have been close to since high school, and I still don't know what their favorite food is. I have friends who I have spent countless hours with, and if asked, I wouldn't know who their favorite band is. These are things I expect to be asked on a date or something, not questions I probe my friends with. In fact, I am still finding out new things about my friends every time I interact with them. I have a friend who I have know for over eight years, and I know so much about her life, but I don't know where her favorite place to shop is or what her favorite song is. I have another friend I have known for over five years, and I'm still not sure I know what her favorite color is. Are these questions meant to measure my capability of being a good friend?
This leads me into the other question that's been boggling my mind. When does a person become a friend?
The line between acquaintence and friend has often blurred in my mind. My dad says it becomes friendship when you have their phone number and they have yours. How can that be so? Employers, co-workers, and classmates working on a project with you have your number. Does this automatically make them friends? (In some cases, sure, but seriously, how many people can say they love to hang out and grab a few drinks with their boss after hours? (I do not mean to offend anyone who does though, more power to you!)) One of my fellow percussionists in wind ensemble received a text message, and I asked who this person who sent the message was, to which he replied, "Some girl." Whether this was the thought he truly carried about this girl or if this is just his way of addressing a friend was beyond me, because the response I tend to hear generated in a similar scenario is "My friend" or "My girlfriend" or "My sister", which, if the former, would definitely dwarf my dad's phone theory.
When I look at my friends, I can easily say how we met, whether it was through environment, or
mutual friends, or me simply taking the initiative when I get the feeling I need to get to know someone (this last one has happened quite a few times actually and I have made some good friends because of it, which makes me giggle on occasion when I reminisce over how I first met these people), but it's hard to say when they received the title of friend. It's not like I could pull a Napoleon Dynamite and straightfowardly ask one of my close acquaintances if we are friends now. (Or could I? Hmm...) And online networking, as much as I love Facebook, has blurred the line between acquaintance and friendship even more. (Myspace, of course, is the true devil in this. They should've just stuck to bands.) However, I do have a few more-than-acquaintances who I'm not sure I can truly call my friends yet, but would very much like to. They may or may not know who they are.
Why must I question this though? If I know who my friends are, isn't that all I need? Would I really need the answers to my questions? Can't I be happy with what I have? Perhaps this is just my inner philosophizer talking. I suppose a follow-up on these thoughts is necessary, if for no one else but myself. Well, my friends (and even my more-than-acquaintances), until next time.....
What is a friend?
This came into my mind as I was filling out a random time-filling survey about friends of mine. Standard questions were asked in the survey: when did you meet this person, how did you meet, how long have you known them, and so on. These are the easy questions to answer. And then other questions came to light: what is this person's favorite color, what is their favorite food, who is their favorite musical artist or band? Honestly, I couldn't answer all of these questions. It's not because I don't care, it's just that these little facts were never really mentioned. When I really look at it, I have friends who I have been close to since high school, and I still don't know what their favorite food is. I have friends who I have spent countless hours with, and if asked, I wouldn't know who their favorite band is. These are things I expect to be asked on a date or something, not questions I probe my friends with. In fact, I am still finding out new things about my friends every time I interact with them. I have a friend who I have know for over eight years, and I know so much about her life, but I don't know where her favorite place to shop is or what her favorite song is. I have another friend I have known for over five years, and I'm still not sure I know what her favorite color is. Are these questions meant to measure my capability of being a good friend?This leads me into the other question that's been boggling my mind. When does a person become a friend?
The line between acquaintence and friend has often blurred in my mind. My dad says it becomes friendship when you have their phone number and they have yours. How can that be so? Employers, co-workers, and classmates working on a project with you have your number. Does this automatically make them friends? (In some cases, sure, but seriously, how many people can say they love to hang out and grab a few drinks with their boss after hours? (I do not mean to offend anyone who does though, more power to you!)) One of my fellow percussionists in wind ensemble received a text message, and I asked who this person who sent the message was, to which he replied, "Some girl." Whether this was the thought he truly carried about this girl or if this is just his way of addressing a friend was beyond me, because the response I tend to hear generated in a similar scenario is "My friend" or "My girlfriend" or "My sister", which, if the former, would definitely dwarf my dad's phone theory.
When I look at my friends, I can easily say how we met, whether it was through environment, or
mutual friends, or me simply taking the initiative when I get the feeling I need to get to know someone (this last one has happened quite a few times actually and I have made some good friends because of it, which makes me giggle on occasion when I reminisce over how I first met these people), but it's hard to say when they received the title of friend. It's not like I could pull a Napoleon Dynamite and straightfowardly ask one of my close acquaintances if we are friends now. (Or could I? Hmm...) And online networking, as much as I love Facebook, has blurred the line between acquaintance and friendship even more. (Myspace, of course, is the true devil in this. They should've just stuck to bands.) However, I do have a few more-than-acquaintances who I'm not sure I can truly call my friends yet, but would very much like to. They may or may not know who they are.Why must I question this though? If I know who my friends are, isn't that all I need? Would I really need the answers to my questions? Can't I be happy with what I have? Perhaps this is just my inner philosophizer talking. I suppose a follow-up on these thoughts is necessary, if for no one else but myself. Well, my friends (and even my more-than-acquaintances), until next time.....
