The only good thing about feeling your absolute lowest is that things are bound to get better. And they will. They always do somehow. I wish they'd get better sooner though. I especially don't want to feel like this when we start performing. This isn't exactly one of those shows where you can use these sorts of feelings and apply them to your character. And I wish I could forget about the pain. It's just funny. After all the college psychology courses I took, I can spend hours psychoanalyzing my feelings and determine why I feel the way I do, but no amount of psychoanalysis dulls the pain, stops the tears, silences the cries... THAT's poetic. That's pathetic.
It's just difficult when you know what you've done, and you want so badly to make it all better, but you can't turn back the clock and fix things. I mean, everything happens for a reason. I'm sure Heavenly Father has something in store for me within all of this, but my eyes can only see so far ahead of me. Sometimes I wish I could deal with these sorts of things like other people do, but I'm just not that good. I just need my time, and no one can really do anything to fix this. I can't fix it myself, so why should I expect anyone else to do it?
At a time like this, I'd attempt to remedy myself with a trip to Disneyland, but that's not happening anytime soon, and definitely not before the show starts performing. There has to be something though.....
It's just difficult when you know what you've done, and you want so badly to make it all better, but you can't turn back the clock and fix things. I mean, everything happens for a reason. I'm sure Heavenly Father has something in store for me within all of this, but my eyes can only see so far ahead of me. Sometimes I wish I could deal with these sorts of things like other people do, but I'm just not that good. I just need my time, and no one can really do anything to fix this. I can't fix it myself, so why should I expect anyone else to do it?
At a time like this, I'd attempt to remedy myself with a trip to Disneyland, but that's not happening anytime soon, and definitely not before the show starts performing. There has to be something though.....
